I have not updated my blog in a while, but I thought writing about Caylee Anthony was a good way to come back. I have been following Caylee’s case since day one when I heard she was missing on the Nancy Grace show. I watched all of Nancy Graces shows about her, and then I had to get to the point where any news about Caylee’s death was so horrifying that it terrified my daughter Hannah so I watched Nancy Grace and other news about Caylee only when my daughter was sleeping or was at school. I hope and prayed she would be found alive, but that hope was lost when her body was found. I followed the trial as much as I could with having to work and take care of my family. My friend Coley also kept me updated on the daily ins and outs of this trial. Thank you very much Coleybear. I found out yesterday at work from a truck driver that the jury found Casey Anthony (Caylee’s mom and the person I truly believe killed her) was found not guilty on all charges. I felt mad, shocked, sad, and frustrated about all the injustices in our so called justice system. I watched Nancy Grace who looked sad and just plain exhausted and cried with her during her show. I was just so devastated that there will be justice for Caylee. Then I had to remind myself  that God knows who killed her and he will take care of them.

I personally plan to honor Caylee. I will continue to do all I can to prevent this from happening to children in the future. I also will probably buy a bracelet or pin or something to honor Caylee’s memory. I will also spend more time hugging, loving, and laughing with the best husband in the world and the best daughter in the world, and thinking of Caylee knowing she is being loved and hugged by the best hugger, Jesus, and she is safe and protected in his arms. God bless you, sweet Caylee, and I will see you in Heaven someday.

I will never forget the day I found out Haleigh Cummings was abducted from her home in Satsuma, Florida. It is probably because I was headed to another part of Florida to say goodbye and honor the life of my grandma that had just passed away the day before. She died and Haleigh disappeared on both the same day. Also, because Haleigh  is the same age now as my daughter Hannah, so they just a little over a month apart in age. I have been following her case since day one and hoping and praying for a miracle.

Haleigh, whether you are still on this earth or in Heaven, I hope you are having a happy birthday. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.

One of the children’s movies I like is Baby Geniuses. At the end of the movie, they play Randy Travis’ song “A Gift of Love” I thought it was so beautiful, and it reminds me of my daughters.

When you where born
There in your mothers arms
an angel told me
always you will be
a gift of love from God to me
though your road is long
I’ll be right by your side
through changes you’ll see
always you will be
a gift of love from God to me
love took flight
the day you came into my life
there is magic in –
the way I feel
hearts open wide
gazing into your eyes
I’ll be there for you
as long as I am alive
I have never loved
more than I love you
a  gift for free
always you will be
a gift of love from God to me

Source: http://www.mp3lyrics.org/r/randy-travis/a-gift/

There is not much to report in my life that I really have not put in other posts. My husband has been promoted to assistant manager at his work. I just finished college a few week ago and I have started a job search. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I look for work. Hannah and I started going to a nice church a few weeks ago called Crutchfield Heights Baptist Church. It is a small church but I truly believe it will grow and the people are very nice. Hannah will be going into the first grade.  I cannot believe she is already six years old. She turned six on July 11th and we had her birthday party at Chuck E Cheese’s. We are having a pretty good summer. We have been to the  water park twice. We went to the library storytime once. We have been to Mcdonald’s once. We have gone fishing a couple of times. We are going to go to Martha’s and eat lunch. Going to the splash water park hopefully at least two times and back to the water park that is close to our home again is in the works. We went swimming, saw fireworks, and ate a good meal at my mother-in-laws house on the 4th of July. We have also been getting settled into this house that we moved into last month and we are getting there but it is a work in process. My head is reeling from all that I do and all that I need to do, but I try to take it one day at a time, but it does get frustrating when there is  so much to do and so little time to do it in. I am also missing my Grandma Ginny a lot. I was looking through a box of Christmas stuff and I found the angel and star tree toppers she gave me one year for Christmas and I started to cry. It still hurts a lot that she is gone. I just got to keep going on, because that is all I can do.

For those who watch Big Brother, this season has been a bit dull at times, but I love  the drama and it was so funny to see Lydia paint Jesse’s toenails pink on the live feeds the other night. I know he did not like it, but hey, it was hilarious. Right now, I think Ronnie is playing the game the most andf it would not surprise me in the least if he won the game, but we shall see.

That is about all that is going on in my life right now. Please keep me in your prayers as Iam struggling with issues, including some physical ones like my messed up right knee and shoulder and my neck still hurts at times from the car accident a couple of years ago. Thanks for reading my ramblings. :)

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As a lot of my friends and family know, my firstborn daughter was adopted by her foster parents which made me her birth mother. It is not something I asked for or something I wanted, it is just part of life.  I went through a stage of grief and loss and still to this day, it hurts. There are days when it hurts more than others like her birthday, Birth Mother’s day, Mother’s day, and the holidays. I miss her a lot and will always love her.  It definetly does not help that her adoptive parents do not send me any pictures of her or any updates on her life and how she is doing. That is their decision and there is nothing I can do about it.

I think about her every day also.  I wonder how she is doing, what her interests are, how she is doing in school, what her plans are for the future, if she knows she is adopted, and if she does, does she ask about me and wonder about me.  I also pray for  her every time I pray, that she and her adoptive family are having a good life and that Iget to be a part of their lives someday.

I wanted so much to raise her fom the time I was pregnant with her till she was adopted. The realization after the adoption was final that she would never legally be  my daughter and I would not be raising her was something I slowly started to grasp. Then it became as it is now, I just want to be a part of her life.

Just like any heartbreaking part of life, and like probably any person, the pain from not knowing her and being a part of her life, has me want to hide under a rock and away from the world and act like this pain is not happening to me. I cannot do that and it would do not any good anyway. I just live my life the best that I can and hopefully she will be proud of me and that one day we will get to know each other.

I think about finding her when she is eighteen years old in about 2 1/2 years. Hopefully, her adoptive parents will not fight it. I want to get to know them too and be a part of their lives also. I am no longer angry at them, I am hurt that I do not know how Brittany and they are doing. When I  hopefully get to see them in the future, I will not know what to say to them but hopefully that day will come and the right words will come to me.

Until then, I will keep writing in the journal I have for Brittany and keep the photo album I have for her going.  I will also continue to pray for her and her family and try to patiently (though it is very hard) wait for the day we are reunited.

On Sunday mornings at the beginning of the service, the pastor of the church we just started going to over a month ago has a part of the service just for the children called Preacher Pals.  He talks to them on a children’s level about important topics. This weeks topic I will never forget.

First, he asked the children if  they brushed their teeth that morning. He had a paper plate and he squeezed some toothpaste on it. Some of the children wanted to squeeze the toothpaste out and some wanted to play with it (of course he did not let them play with it). He did ask them if  they could put the toothpaste back in the tube. Of course, they knew they could not so they did not try.

He then asked the children if they had ever lied to their parents or said something they wished they had not said and they raised their hands. He said just like putting the toothpaste back in the tube it is not possible to take back the things we say and that we need to think about that before we speak.

I will never forget that lesson or look at a toothpaste tube the same way again.

Last week, I finished my last course in the Master’s of Science in Management Program at Colorado Technical University Online. After three years of online college from the Bachelor’s of Science in Criminal Justice Program to the Master’s program, it feels like the end of an era. I still have a lot to do in my life, but I have to admit that I do feel a bit out of sorts since I finished college.

I was helped so much during my college experience with grants, scholarships, loans, having wonderful instructors, and great peers (some of them who are now my good friends). My husband was also very supportive of my education. My goal now is to take what I have learned and help my community, city, country, and maybe even the world as much as I can, just like I have been helped. I can not the wonderful people who helped me enough and I would love to spread that help around for the rest of my life.

Many times as a kid, I played Candy Land mainly with my sister. Now, the tradition continues that Hannah and I play it. She got it for her birthday last year, but if she hadn’t, my husband and I would have bought it for her. We have a lot of fun playing it and it is one of the things that she and I do when we spend some time together. She usually wins, but that is not the important thing, it is just important that she and I are spending time together.

I am including some pictures of her playing Candy Land with me tonight.

As most of my friends and family know, I recently finished the Master’s of Science in Management at Colorado Technical University Online. I am very glad to have made this accomplishment in my life.  I have also made another decision in my life. No matter whether or not in the future I decide to continue my education by getting another Master’s Degree or by getting a Phd, I have decided that I am not going to stop learning. I got many years ahead of me in my life and plenty of opportunities for learning. There are a lot of people in my life now and that will be in my life in the future that I will have the opportunity to learn from. My husband, my kids, my family, and my friends have taught me a lot and I know they will continue to in the future. I know I will also learn a lot from the people I will work with in the future. There are also people I have not even thought about that I will learn about live and other things from. I truly believe learning should be a lifelong experience and that each and every one of us should continue learning during our whole lives.

I am going to close this post with these quotes:

Commit yourself to lifelong learning. The most valuable asset you’ll ever have is your mind and what you put into it.–Brian Tracy

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether this happens at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps on learning not only remains young, but becomes constantly more valuable regardless of physical capacity.–Harvey Ullman

 Anything, everything, can be learned if you can just get yourself in a little patch of real ground, real nature, real wood, real anything … and just sit still and watch.–Lauren Hutton

I’m learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.– Eartha Kitt